Author Archives: Justin Jones

Justin Jones

Captain Beardhat

Final Pre-Burn Newsletter!

Well Bureaucrats, the time has finally come and we’re heading down the dusty trail back to our beloved Black Rock Desert. We leave in the morning, and it’s been a hectic couple days. 

Are you stressing out? FREAKING out, even? Don’t worry, you’re not alone!  We actually just got passed the freak out stage and are easing into the incredibly exited phase. I’ll tell ya, friends – It’s nice on this side of things – and you’ll be here soon enough!

Sheriff and Popocatepetl (yeah, that’s one hell of a Playa Name) drove a massive box truck up from LA, with Sledge and I following behind in my overloaded pickup, scraping my muffler up the Grapevine grade.  

We met up with with Show and Yzaura and spent the day loading the trailer and the truck and getting ready to leave in the morning. Back at the Warehouse HQ, I can only assume that Charles, Meg, Sam, and Ronen and their band of helpers, builders, and super dedicated Bureaucrats are working away, getting ready to leave so that we can all meet in the desert and start building camp!

Before I go off the radar, I’ve got a couple reminders and notes and requests for you folks.

ARRIVAL / WELCOME PACKS: Yzaura has put together some sweet welcome packs with a couple nice gifts, some useful items, and some good info. When you arrive at camp, find someone to help you get situated in the parking / camping area (I’ll be on site the first couple days to make sure everyone gets placed / hugged!), and then find Yzaura to get your Welcome Pack! You’re gonna love it!

FIRE: This year, the Turtle has FIRE!  Awesome flame throwing turtles are a rare breed, and they need a lot of propane to function. Want to be a real hero? Bring your extra tank of propane up to fuel the Turtle’s fire! Write your name on it with a sharpie so you get it back when its empty, and you’ll get to push the BIG RED button. Yeah, it’s pretty damn cool.

BAR: I’ve got enough Playa Punch to drown Earnest Hemingway. And quite a selection of booze. But to keep the bar running nearly 24 / 7, we could use a couple extra bottles. If everyone brings a bottle and a mixer (don’t forget the mixer!) to donate to the bar, we’ll be able to keep the old booze hounds happy (yeah, I’m talking about myself).

LOCATION: We’re located at 9 & D this year. Most of you already know that, but I thought it was worth reiterating. And if you’re new in town, that’s really all you need to know to find us on the playa. 9 & D. 

DRIVING – Please drive safe, amigos! Remember, Burning Man starts as soon as you leave your house. Be good to your fellow drivers and the people you meet along the way. 

GREYWATER – I say this every year, so I’ll say it again: Please use water sparingly! And / or plan to take your own grey water home with you. If you use the shower, use as little water possible and make sure the greywater tanks under the shower aren’t full before you start! And you should all have your own greywater jug for brushing your teeth, cleaning dishes, etc. 

EVENTS: Again, here are some of the events we have planned. NOTE: The group photo has been moved to Friday!

Banana Hammock Frozen Banana Extravaganza 2:30 PM
Hot Pink Party! 6:00PM @ Camp Walter. 4 & A

Yoga with Yzaura 10:00AM
Tales of Tabasco’s Bloody Mary and Poached Egg Breakfast 11AM
Banana Hammock Frozen Banana Extravaganzana! 2:30 PM
Delegation of Fire Performance 9:00 PM

Champagne and Egg Rolls with Nipples in the Mist! 11AM

Peach Sparkles
Group Photo and Group Dinner! 6:00 PM

Man Burn – Gather @ The Bureau @ Sunset

Temeple Burn – Gather @ The Bureau @ Sunset

That’s it! I’m heading out to the Playa EARLY in the AM to get this thing started! We’ll be ready and waiting for you with hugs and welcome packs! (Don’t forget to find the Yzaura and get your welcome pack!)


Captain Buzzkill Jones
Department of Organized Chaos
The Bureau of Misinformation

Are You Ready to Burn?!

Bureaucrats! That thing in the desert is quickly approaching, and there’s still A LOT to get done before we head Home. Are you freaking out yet? I’m getting there, but this year we’ve got a fantastic team of people working behind the scenes to make this the best Burn yet!

A couple things you should know about:

Turtle Power!

Sam has been cranking away at the Turtle, and it’s going to be even more awesome than you can imagine this year!  Of course, this kind of awesomeness doesn’t come without a whole lot of hard work and dedication, and pretty big price tag. To recoup the costs, Sam is offering Bureau and Turtle Tshirts for $20 a pop. ALL the money goes towards paying for the Turtle, which has racked up quite a price tag. SO do your part to support this project. UPDATE: Shirt sales closed.


Sign Up for Volunteer Shifts @ The Bureau!

We need a lot of help to keep this machine running like a well-oiled Rube Goldberg. From Misinformation Shifts to MOOP Captains to Bar Tenders – WE NEED YOU!  Sign up for a shift or two here:

Bureau Events on the Playa!
This year, some of our departments will be hosting events throughout the week, so we thought we’d let you know about what’s planned.

Banana Hammock Frozen Banana Extravaganzana! 
Tuesday and Wednesday at 2:30 PM, these banaana loving monkeys will be handing out frozen bananas Monkey attire encouraged! BYOMA (Bring your own monkey attire). Oh yeah!
Tuesday and Wednesday, 2:30 PM @ The Bureau. 9 & D.

Hot Pink Party!
The Bureau’s Sheriff is one of the organizers Camp Walter’s Hot Pink Happy Hour over a 4 & A. We’re going to set the Turtle’s phasers on PINK, don our pinkest party outfits, and head across the Playa for the Party. Be sure to get your outfits ready!
Tuesday, 6:00PM @ Camp Walter. 4 & A.

Join Yzaura at The Bureau for a Wednesday morning Yoga class!
Wednesday, 10AM @ The Bureau. 9 & D

Tales of Tabasco’s Bloody Mary and Poached Egg Breakfast!
One of our newest Departments, The Tales of Tobasco, will be wearing tales and mixing Bloody Marys, spiced to perfection on Wednesday morning!  They’ll also have poached eggs for you early birds
Wednesday, 11AM @ The Bureau 9& D

Delegation of Fire Performance.
Come see The Bureau’s best fire performers all come together for celebration of BURN!
Wednesday, 9PM @ The Bureau. 9 & D

Group Photo and Group Dinner!
How do you corral 80+ Bureaucrats into one place and get them to sit still for a group photo?  FEED THEM! Come gather for a group photo in front of The Bureau a 6PM on Thursday for a massive group photo, and then join us in the commissary for a big family dinner. (Dinner TBD).
Thursday, 6PM @ The Bureau. 9 & D

Champagne and Egg Rolls with Nipples in the Mist!
The Nipples in the Mist, will be misting you down, pouring Champagne, and serving egg rolls for brunch on Thursday morning. Don’t miss this party!
Thursday, 11AM @ The Bureau 9& D

Peach Sparkles for Brekkie! 
I don’t know what a Peach Sparkle is (Unicorn Sex Move?) But the lovely duo of Sally & Steph will be serving them up at the bar Friday Morning. I know I’ll be there!
Friday, 11AM @ The Bureau 9& D

That’s a lot of action! Get ready to get weird, amigos! See you in the dust!

Captain Buzzkill Jones
Department of Organized Chaos
The Bureau of Misinformation

Give Me a Sign.

We need a sign. A signal. Something like a gang sign, but more subtle – less ego and more inclusion. We need some way to signal to that person in line at the local cafe in the default world that we are not strangers waiting for a coffee fix, we are brothers. We are Burners. We are FAMILY.

I think it should be noticeable, but subtle enough that you could make the signal in conversation with a default civilian, and they wouldn’t even notice. Online, we can write )'( and all Burners will know that we are Burners, while others would likely skip over the random punctuation. But in the real, live, default world, we don’t have something like that. And I think we need it.

Imagine that you’re in the default world, going about your normal routine, and you see a car, months after the event, and it has that special coating of dust on it, but your’re not quite sure if it’s Playa dust or just years of caked on default dust.

Or you see a woman walking through the park with a hula-hoop, and you’re wondering if she’s a burner too, or just practicing her hoop skills. Or you’re stuck in traffic next to a guy with a BRC sticker, and you want to signal to him that you’re also a Burner. But HOW do you do it??

Now imagine that there is a subtle and simple way that you can convey to that person that you are a Burner. And imagine they signal back. Suddenly, you’ve brought The Playa into the default world. That guy in traffic smiles and you exchange a knowing look. That girl with the hula-hoop stops to chat with you about hooping barefoot in the dust during a sunrise set in Deep Playa. And that guy you saw in line at the cafe, turns to give you a Playa Hug in his suit and tie.

So let’s create a sign. Let’s be the ones to start this movement. Together, we can come up with a signal, and create a short video PSA to post online. And maybe we’ll see this thing spread throughout the community.

It could be a hand sign, a tug of your earlobe, sound, or a phrase. People in AA use, “Are you a friend of Bill?” to discreetly determine if the person they are talking to is also in recovery. It could be  just about anything. Let’s get creative!

Leave your ideas/ thoughts in the comments, or on the Bureau Facebo0k Page.

Captain Buzzkill Jones